New Beginnings
in the hope of more quiet mornings
It’s weird to be sitting here in my living room, in a quiet house in the morning. Normally I would have gotten up at least 3 hours earlier, either to go directly to work or to get my 9-year-old to school or camp. Then I would head to work. Even the dogs are quiet currently, which is a small miracle. I am writing - moving my TimothyBrown.net pen across the page. Mornings are my power time, my productive time. I often feel guilty if I don’t give that time to kitchen work, even after I ‘cut back.’ But, here I am writing and drinking my morning coffee in my quiet living room. Yay for me.
In April of this year, after months of working out 3 somewhat complicated contracts, the cafe portion of Criminal Baking Company passed on to Irma and her wonderfully supportive family. I had been sitting on this change for at least 2 years. I made it through the Pandemic & moseyed on into a recession, which is where I met burnout. I kept trying to restructure some part of the cafe; to resuscitate my enthusiasm and commitment. I had become a professional trouble shooter though, no longer a crafter, no longer innovative. I participated in writing retreats and got little tastes of what I wanted to have time to do, but I could not make the time or muster the energy. The stressors and the debt built up, creating a cage. I kept showing up. Isn’t that what I was supposed to do? I had been showing up for 14 years, but the program had changed since the pandemic. Every single aspect of the business became more expensive to run. Staffing issues blossomed. I became a professional trouble shooter - and not a very good one. I was too often operating from a place of panic. My mental health suffered, anxiety attacks were a daily occurrence. I ended up in the emergency room with a blood pressure reading that startled the nurse. My days were not fun. Even if I started the day with the best attitude, it descended into some form of what felt like failure. I was distracted, worrisome, and exhausted.
Joy is a natural part of my disposition, and I sought to reconnect with it. In April, when we were nearing the signing of the contracts, I had thought that I would feel so much better. Afterall, it had been 2+ years of processing. Like a breakup, I had done the hard emotional work before we parted, so I would be good to go, right? The process of negotiations and health inspections frayed my nerves though. Then, I was served in person with a sales tax audit. The very mention of ‘sales tax audit’ renders small business owners eerily silent and puts a mournful look upon the face of any bookkeeper as they slowly shake their head and whisper, ‘oh those are the worst.’ I descended into OCD attacks. First the obsessing followed an almost logical bent. I researched sales tax grey areas until I was weak with worry. I spoke with people who had traversed this rocky road and heard their nightmarish tales. Logic left and fearful projections moved in. Friends, advisors, family all comforted with ‘well, all you can do is take this one step at a time.’ ‘You’re making this much worse than it is.’ But my OCD rumbled. We finished signing papers, but I was distracted and not celebratory at all. My brain would not shut off. ‘You must be so relieved now that the sale is done.’ ‘That must have taken such a load off of your shoulders.’ I could only just muster a smile and say something like, ‘ya, I’m still processing though.’ Not only was I going through the audit, but I was grieving. I had spent hard years growing the business with the cafe at the forefront. It was 90ish% of Criminal’s income and the direct connection with the public. I held the catering and the potential for growth, which was amazing, but I am just now feeling the promise of those possibilities. Really, it has been a lot of introspection, moving through the messy pieces, and trying to figure out where I really want to head with all of this.
Lately I have been asking myself, do I really want worry and anxiety driving my decisions. Do I want financial need determining the next 10 years or more? What do I love doing within this framework? Being a mom and exploring food with my son and his friends; being around kind people who love our food community; crafting interesting food and beautiful desserts; creating new recipes; teaching culinary classes; feeding people and eating with them; writing; traveling; small scale urban farming, especially of edible flowers - these things all feed me on a deep level. Recently our county has approved something called the MEHKO permit. It stands for Micro Enterprise Home Kitchen Operation. I just got the first one in Sonoma County! I have cleaned out and reorganized the front of my home into a place to invite people to learn and eat. This excites me! 8 new classes are up on the website. It’s a step toward more connection and I get to feed people as they experience joy and comradery around food.
*Please pardon the last 2 week’s lack of writing. I was laid out with a bad cold thing. I will make up those 2 writings over the next couple months.
Deep Dish Egg White Frittata w/ leeks, bacon, white cheddar, & arugula
One of the cooking classes I am teaching soon is about quiches and will also talk more about frittatas. They make a wonderful brunch dish or an easy pop-in-the-oven dinner.
I use either a large white, oven-safe ceramic dish or a 10” deep cake pan for this. If you use a cake pan, place a piece of parchment on the bottom. Spray whatever you use with oil.
Mix 4 cups of fresh egg whites w/ 3 cups of heavy cream. Don’t skimp and use half n’ half or milk. Heavy cream only please. Add 2 teaspoons of salt and 1 teaspoon of black pepper. I use my Kitchen Aid with the whisk attachment. Mix on medium/medium-low for about 3 minutes. Set aside.
Chop 1 large leek and put along the bottom of the dish or pan. Add about a cup of arugula. Roughly chop 10-12 pieces of cooked bacon and sprinkle in your dish. Chop up a cup (or more if you love your cheese) of sharp white cheddar and add as well. Cook at 350 degrees for about an hour. Check the center - there should be no runny eggs. If there are, continue cooking and check every 8-10 minutes until done. Let it sit for about 10-15 minutes and enjoy.
This can definitely be made a day or 2 before. Just top with foil and re-heat in the oven until the center is around 145-155 degrees.